We’re all about making it easier to share feedback with other people. But recently, we started wondering about the feedback we give ourselves.
Self-critique tends to come all too easily for most of us. We are our own toughest critics.
When it comes to praising ourselves, though, that tends to be more difficult. At best, it can feel uncomfortable. At worst, like a self-indulgent waste of time.
By neglecting to give ourselves positive feedback, though, we’re denying ourselves an opportunity that could make us more productive, creative, and better at what we do.
The Benefits of Giving Yourself Positive Feedback
Fundamentally, giving yourself positive feedback is important for the same reasons it’s important to give it to other people. It reinforces useful insights to replicate successes in the future.
It’s good for morale, boosting self-confidence, and reducing stress. But there are some more specific reasons why positive feedback can be particularly helpful when it comes from the inside.
By recognizing and celebrating your achievements and the progress you’ve made, you trigger the reward hormone dopamine, which in turn nudges you to accomplish more, so you can experience that glow again. We can strategically use it to get that boost when we need it, rather than being at the mercy of external validation.
By intentionally focusing on the positive aspects of a piece of work or our performance, we can counteract natural negativity bias and gain a more balanced view of what we’ve achieved so far. This can help prevent time and mental resources from being lost to poor decision-making, overthinking, rumination, and perfectionism.
Acknowledging what we do well in our own minds also encourages a more positive outlook overall. This benefits physical health and wellbeing and can lead to enhanced productivity and performance, thanks to something academics have named the “happiness advantage”. In fact, studies find that simply inducing positive emotions in people can make them around 12% more productive.
Ultimately, simply giving yourself positive feedback will make you more productive and happy.
The Dos (and Don’ts) of Giving Yourself Feedback
The principles of giving clear, actionable, positive feedback to others also apply to giving it to yourself. It should be clear, precise, constructive, and timely. Here are a few ways to maximize the potential of positive self-feedback.
Do: Practice Positive Self-Talk
Thanks to self-talk (the things you tell yourself as you go about your day), you’re giving yourself a stream of micro-feedback all the time. These internal narratives can have a huge impact on your view of the world and yourself.
If you’re telling yourself something negative, think about whether there’s a more positive, encouraging, and/or constructive way to frame it. For example, if you make a mistake, don’t say “I’m terrible at this”. Instead, try saying something like: “I’m doing something challenging. I’m learning how to do it better next time.”
Or if you didn’t have the most productive day, you can say to yourself: “I still managed to achieve X, Y, and Z, and get closer on A, B, and C. I also picked up some good ideas to help me tomorrow.”
In general, try speaking to yourself like you would speak to a friend in your position – who you’d like to encourage and certainly less likely “beat up”.
Do: Be Specific
“Generic praise is empty calories,” explains psychologist and author Liane Davey. “It doesn’t fuel growth because it contains no information or insight about what created the positive impact or why.”
So rather than just giving yourself vague platitudes like “I did a good job!”, dig down into the technical elements of what you did well. Why did it work? How can you apply those insights to future projects? It should answer the “because”. That’s where the behavioral reinforcement will pay maximum dividends.
Don’t: Let Performance Determine Self-Worth
While it’s important to have a good grasp on your character, self-praise shouldn’t be about who you are but what you do. For the most part, try to focus on the work itself, rather than on what your performance might say about you as a person.
Researcher and author Liz Wiseman, writing for HBR, explains what this looks like in practice: “Instead of writing, ‘I gave an engaging and thoughtful presentation. I’m great at presenting to large groups,’ try to reframe your assessment around what you delivered: ‘My presentation went well. The ideas were clear, and everyone walked away with an understanding of our top priorities.’”
As well as making it easier to learn from the accomplishment, it means you’re not linking your character or sense of self-worth too closely to your work. It could also be useful if you feel uncomfortable praising yourself as it forces you to focus on facts.
Do: Aim for Constructive Positivity
Try to achieve a mix of positive and constructive insights.
Coach and author David Finkel recommends using a “Liked Best and Next Time” list to achieve this balance. As the name suggests, it involves reflecting on what you liked best about a task, project, or event, and things you’d change for the next one. This is doubly effective as not only is the constructive feedback balanced with (hopefully) positive feedback, it also has a more positive slant as your focus is on how to make the next time even more successful.
Do: Make It a Habit
As with any productive behavior, make giving yourself positive feedback easier by turning it into a habit.
You could work it into your end-of-workday routine by challenging yourself to write down three wins for the day before you sign off. Alternatively, you could do a weekly self-review and devote some of that to identifying things you did well.
Do: Engage With External Feedback
While you don’t want to always be driven or chasing external praise, actively engaging with the positive feedback you receive from other people can inspire your own self-feedback. If you intentionally reexamine your work in light of the praise you receive, you might be surprised at what you notice about what you do well.
Don’t: Dismiss Praise
If you’re inclined to instantly dismiss a piece of praise or to look for reasons why it’s “exaggerated”, keep reminding yourself that the giver’s perspective is as valid as yours. If their reasoning isn’t obvious from their comment, ask for more details or an example. This shows that you value their feedback and want to make sure you’re able to keep making that positive contribution.
Do: Create a Smile File
A “Smile File” is a record of positive comments that you can look back at when you’re having a confidence dip. While it’s usually created with positive feedback from others, it could be really beneficial to include some self-feedback in there too.
When you give yourself positive feedback about a project or an achievement, make sure to note it down so that your future self can look back at it.
Giving Yourself Positive Feedback is Productive
Giving yourself positive feedback can help you address biased thinking and increase your motivation. It also helps you to adopt a more positive mindset, which is great news for your overall productivity.
By subtly changing the way you speak to yourself, focusing on the specifics of what you did well, and seeking to understand and embrace the praise you receive from others, you can incorporate more positivity into your personal feedback loop.
